Friday, January 05, 2007


"Differential diagnosis: Go!" -Hugh Laurie

I have no friends.
My family hasn't heard a single complete sentence out of my mouth since Christmas.
I'd rather get a bedpan than use the restroom.

Why the sudden change in behavior? House on DVD.

I'm addicted. I will literally watch six episodes in a row, no breaks. Mom's freaking out, she thinks the change in personality is due to drug use. Dad'll watch with me, but only one or two episodes. I'm ashamed, I expected more commitment from family members.

In a way, I wish I was addicted to some new manufacturers drug rather than House. The show is extremely bad for you. Not moving from a couch for six hours straight can cause blood clots to form.

So far it's only made me gain weight.

It also makes me scared to move... at all. Did you know that a copper buildup in your systems can cause schizophrenia and blood-composed vomit? Parisites can liquify your brain in less than a day. Ernheim-Chester's disease can cause your lungs, liver, pancreas, and heart to shut down. And some mystery disorder that was never explained can cause your eyes, tongue, and testicle (no "s") to explode.

Why on earth should I get off the couch and risk all those diseases?

Simon, pass the cheez-its.


Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

Great post. Come over with some more House DVDs. We'll watch a whole season from beginning to end. Just call Kim and me enablers.

8:14 PM  
Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

I've lived through this addiction, all two seasons non-stop. The only reason I haven't got season 3 yet, is they haven't finished it and was my husband yelling "making it stop"...eventaully he stoped screaming and I had to go check on him.

1:18 AM  
Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

Dude, how about some new posts? Let the blogsphere suck you in. Join the Dark Side.

I am your father.

9:10 AM  

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