Tuesday, December 19, 2006

content

Alex fidgeted in his jacket pocket for a cigarette lighter and sparked another number. He hurriedly stuffed the lighter back in his jacket, and put his hands in along with it, shivering in the bitter cold. He eagerly sucked in the smoke, not letting one bit of it go to waste. This was it, the moment he’d been waiting for.

It was a chance to be alone, a chance to enjoy the world and his situation on earth, away from judgement by anyone and everyone. In his mind, he was all that mattered.
He used to think that failure was inevitable, but he now realized that failure was impossible. No matter what he knew that he was where he was supposed to be in life, and nothing could change that. His grades didn’t matter, his job didn’t matter, merely the fact that he existed was enough for sustenance.

As he forced drag after drag into his body, he realized that this moment was his happiest, and yet he was still alone. Three AM, and winter was closing in on him. He looked in the sky and noticed for once that everything was in its right place, everything was aligned just perfectly. He never really took the time to notice just how beautiful the sky was at night.

He snuffed his butt out against a concrete wall and leaned against his house, watching his breath form in the cold air. Even in his moment of ecstasy, he realized that there was one thing missing in his life.

There was still her, the one girl he thought of every moment of every day, for years. She was the one, he knew it, but he still knew he could never have her. She was far gone, and even though they still talked daily, he couldn’t shake off the fact that he should move on. She would never be his, and even if she was, they could never be happy together. This was one weight on his chest he would be forced to bear for life.

Alex wasn’t shivering anymore. He was perfectly content with his thoughts, which he raced through, file after file, until he found what he was looking for. A memory, far away from this place, where he realized who he was and exactly what he would do in his life. Then he took a second to remind himself that life wasn’t about this, it’s not about the money, the ten second car, or the suburbia lifestyle.

It’s about living to your limits, and being happy with who you are as you wake up late on a Sunday morning and drink a cup of coffee. It’s about being content with where you are, both in location and in spirit. In one word, the key to a happy life was as follows:

Content.

Somewhere a car backfired, jolting Alex out of his stupor. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes, fully knowing that no matter what life threw at him next, he could take it. This, this was truly the hip hoo-fucking-ray everyone was searching for in life.

Now shivering again, Alex stepped inside, and shut the door, leaving the beautiful night sky behind him.

2 Comments:

Blogger ShadowFalcon said...

I really like this, fits the mood of the day.

1:57 AM  
Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

I agree with shadowfalcon. I'm glad you chose English as a major. You should definitely work on this piece, expand it, see where it goes. Alex is a good character.

9:53 AM  

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